Hello, in my last entry it may have insinuated that I found it easy to overcome some of the mental health issues that were either pre-existing or happened to develop during the pandemic. anything that goes untreated is going to become worse and you will not simply go away overnight. So even if it’s so you can do I encourage people to just do one small thing in the direction towards recovery. Even researching where to find counseling is something. We are all aware of how the mind works, so what I am going to speak about will certainly not come as a shock to most people.
This week I suffered a loss in my immediate family. For my own reasons, I would like to keep some details private. I was not close with this person, even though they helped raise me. When they were at their best of course. Even with all the bad things that transpired their was some good. For the most part everyone has some good in them if you look hard enough. We would talk about music, like most people in that age group he was a fan of the Beatles my Sister almost got named Prudence, after the song “Dear Prudence”. And I am grateful for the other good things we shared. Although I am grown now, there are some things that you are exposed to so early in life that for better or worse, that somewhat shape who you are. Seeing examples of mental and financial instability just seemed normal. I became accustomed to anger,yelling,things being destroyed. Basically the results of a codependent living situations and how people feel they have to tolerate the abuse that is handed to them. I do want to make it clear that I was not sexually abused, since that’s what often comes to mind when abuse is mentioned. For a long time it seemed extremely difficult to recall anytime where there was a peaceful time with true happiness. But yet not impossible.
Most people aren’t open about some of the things that went on in their past, especially these days when most of the stuff people broadcast about themselves is done so in order to make it seem like their lives are perfect. I know not all people do this and there’s a fine line between broadcasting the drama that goes on in your personal life and reaching out for help and solutions. For me, this seems like a constant thing growing up. And even people that I felt I could trust, it would turn it around on me or not listen. But I wouldn’t let someone’s dismissive attitude gauge the severity of this or any situation where I felt that it could have escalated into something much worse. It’s really ironic, don’t you think what people often overlook and the things about are really overlay examined. There was more than one occasion where I was physically assaulted as a child by a grown adult and nothing was done about it or I was told I was wrong. Nowadays it seems like even giving a kid a dirty look could result in child services swarming your house. Boy have times changed.
Most of this has been dealt with in some way, either through traditional therapy or doing things like this or other forms of writing, such as my songs for example. That’s why I always did everything I could to make the band successful. And many people never realized that or didn’t have the drive because they simply didn’t need it like I do. The were happy staying home getting high, working a job where they could just get by, their relationships or whatever. But who am I to judge if other people are content in mediocrity. I was fortunate enough to see some good examples of hard-working musicians and did my best to emulate that. Hey you knew I was going to put a positive spin on things at some point. Like I said, I have learned to not let these things weigh me down. Looking back and speaking out about this to some people, I’m surprised I didn’t turn around and become abusive to other people or become mentally ill myself (even though the jury is still out on that lol). All kidding aside we all have witnessed or have been effected by adults who aren’t exactly grown ups.
This recent death that occurred just brought up things that I had not thought about in a very long time. Even with all of the time that has passed and working towards personal growth, we can still be triggered to recall traumatic events. Commonly referred to as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. That was the basis of one of the songs that I included from our last album,The Tides. Even though, the lyrics to the song mainly hint at being reminded of lost love, this situation is still very fitting. I chose this song title simply because of the tides in the ocean and how they can move most things. As we know they are effected by other forces of nature such as the moon’s gravitational pull. But they are ever-flowing and if we allow them to they can pull us back in. I usually mention a or artist band that people are more familiar with, I felt that this was the best representation of what’s going on right now. And for the most part I don’t directly promote the band here, but I felt that with everything that was going on this was due diligence. Even though the things that went on gave me the drive to want to be successful, many of the things I suffered through have hindered that greatly. Just basically lack of judgement for the most part held me back. I want to blame the many issues within music industry as a whole, but that plays a big part in it as well.
All in all, despite what has happened I feel blessed in many ways and grateful. I know things could be much worse and I am especially gratfeul for all of you who read this without judgement. As always, I share in hopes of connecting with all of you and reminding everyone how important music truly is. And of course how the music came to be. All an artist hopes for besides making enough money to continue creating is creating something to is theurapetic and simultaneously allows them to connect with their listeners. We all have songs that helped us get thru a hard time or accentuates the good times. If an artist can make an impact on someone’s life than they are truly successful. The odds of that happen increase with consistency and having as many people exposed to the songs as possible. I will continue to strive to do all of this and hopefully you will give me that chance.
Thank you again for reading, writing this has helped me immensely and I will continue to do so
Be Well, Nate xoxo
If you or someone you know suffers from PTSD please visit : National Center for PTSD
or for other Mental health problem including but not limited to Depression,Anxiety,Suicidal behavior or Addictions, please contact :
Mental Health America or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center, or text MHA to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line.
Here is the song,the Tides for you to listen to :