Nobody’s fault but mine

Well it looks like I almost did it again, and notice I said almost. You see,I almost let an entire week go by without putting up another entry. Yes I’m aware that Tuesday was the anniversary of the September 11th attacks. And what made it even worse was when it happened in 2011, it was in fact on a Tuesday. So for myself and I’m sure many others, the day was very sad with an almost draining vibe to it. I don’t have any colorful story of the day to share or anyone that I was very close with passed away so I felt it was best to steer clear of the topic on that day. With the exception of posting a general memorial to those who died that day and I also posted the favorite song of a family friend who we lost that day. In loving Memory of Mike “Buddy” Zinzi”

In my last post, I mentioned the book that I had let it sit around and collect dust instead of using it to its fullest potential : the Rock/Star Planner And delving into it even more so this past week, I’ve been kicking myself even harder. Because it really has helped put things in perspective. I think I said that last time, but it’s really true since it’s helped me coordinate the things I want to take care of not just for the music, but personally as well. It really makes you recap your week and see even the smallest things that helped you progress. For example, I went out to a venue that’s very close to where I live to meet up with a friend that was performing this past Sunday with his band, Symfinity at the Gramercy theater opening for Tarja, formerly of Nightwish. Besides getting to see some great bands play, I linked up with some friends that I haven’t seen in a while and made some new ones. After all, you can’t just sit on your couch play your acoustic and expect people to break down the doors of the club to watch you play. It just doesn’t work that way. No we can’t be at every show and go out every night. But like I stated in my last entry, there must be some balance between work and play(subconsciously, maybe that’s why I slacked off on posting this entry because I really enjoyed writing that last one) although on the other hand, to each their own. That just seems to be the healthiest way to maintain a working career in music. We all have day jobs and personal stuff, but their are so many ways to escalate your presence, especially if you have the support of others that will help with specifics tasks, social media pages, etc. But I wish you luck on that, this venture makes you forced to deal with many jaded, pigheaded and narcissistic people that it maybe difficult. That’s just what i’ve experienced in part. It made me even be forced to make a decision about who I work with. Like a wise Man once told his Son (who then told me) “Show me who your friends are and i’ll show you who you are”

This may seem like mean spirited advice from a stranger who has had his share of let downs, and your right for the most part. We all have dreams and goals (I think) and when you’re younger they are “pie in the sky” with rolling in dollar bills, mansions, fancy cars, gorgeous women or men all around you. But not many are willing to make the changes they need to make or the sacrifices to make that happen. I recall the words of a person that I did part ways with who was all about the almighty dollar and while we engaged in our final argument, I pointed it out to him and he replied ” Yes, that’s why I have money and you’re broke AHAHAHA!” obviously both statements are completely false, so of course I wasn’t at all upset. He wouldn’t have needed to make unauthorized charges on our business credit card if it was or having to be forced to work everyday of the week. I had just purchased lots of advertising for the band’s new album at the time. And I informed this guy (who has yet to have the balls to say any of this to my face) that I am rich in many other ways. I have been playing music for so many years that each show out of town is a reunion with old friends. It’s one the best things about being a part of this. Heck any show whether I am playing or not is. And its a chance to make new friends. Yes, money makes things work, but so does comradery, sharing ideas and goals and the willingness to help others. I could sit here and mention all of the cool people I have come across over the years, but you get the idea.

Basically there is always one thing that keeps us doing what we enjoy, Love. And anyone who has been in love before knows that it is usually never equated with rational. But just because something can’t be explained doesn’t mean it is not tangible or vice versa. I could have a job making twice as much money as I do now, but it would require me to stop playing music, let alone handling all the other things I do to make it happen and that would be death in itself. Yes, I have doubts and regrets but like the title suggests I know who’s fault it is. We do get lead on at times, but I have learned to not have attachments and to ask the opinions of those I trust. As Rocky Balboa said to his Son in the final Rocky movie, going and blaming others because you’re not where you want to be is what cowards do. Which is exactly what the classless guy that made false insults about my financial situation while hiding behind a phone does religiously.

Well, I hope this made sense to at least a few of you and that this does inspire at least one of you to make your dreams come true. For myself, I’ve had to work even harder to not get sidetracked due to A.D.D. and Depression but I choose to not let it be a crutch and try and catch myself going off track (Which I may have a bit in this post). And of course, forgive myself. We are after all human and pretty much any situation can inspire us to grow and/or create. I will leave you with this video that I just watched before I started to finish this up and will do so before I start my workouts.

Have a great weekend everyone, Nate

And as always, the song that inspired this post:
Check out Symfinity’s latest single “Dynamite” here on Spotify
And Be sure to Preview Imbolg’s new Album the Sorrows